Weird
is a place inhabited by dreams in which the past, the present and the future
intermarry to create rainbows in the night. It is a place you can explain only
to yourself and God; a place known to refuse to go away no matter how hard you
ignore it. Sometimes, it seems to me, the harder you ignore it the bolder it
becomes.
***
I grew up in a small rural village in Nyeri, a
place as beautiful as dreams. I have pictures to
prove it. | |||||
The
mountain air is thin and the sunshine like skimmed milk. During the cold season
your shins feel like steel rods. I was young and trousers for girls were
considered a decadent city thing. People have moved on, I am happy to note. The
cold season lasts three months, but it comes right after the rainy season, so often
there are four to five months of drizzle per year. The hills wear a cloak of
fog, and wood fires never die out. The rest of the year is pure heaven. The
peaks of the Nyandarua Range (some Bristish person stole the name and replaced
it with Aberdare after a place in distant Scotland) seem to be at hand’s reach.
On the other side Kirinyaga shines like the mountain of God, standing guard over
the Naromoru plains.
 |
| Overlooking the plains |
When
my parents uprooted us from Nyeri and planted us in Laikipia district, I was
too young and naïve to understand the impact of my departure. Soon thereafter I
left my parents new home for university and the rest of my life. But my heart
never really left the little village. Every year I’d promise myself to return and
reconnect with friends and relatives. My body had been translocated, but my
roots clung to the fertile red soil, straining my sense of place in indelible
ways, ways I began to identify when I went to university. At first when I was
asked where I came from, I hesitated. I’d give a two-pronged answer: my parents
live in Laikipia but I grew up in Nyeri. After living in Nairobi for about
seven years the answer became: Nairobi is my home, I grew up in Nyeri, but my
parents live in Laikipia.
A
mouthful, I know.
 | ||||||
| My old primary school |
In
Kenya it seems everyone must have an ‘upcountry’ origin. It is a part of your
identity. So, are people whose parents were born in urban areas devoid of
roots? What will my daughter identify as her real home, with all these locales
striving for a piece of my heart? Urban dwellings are largely considered
transient and lacking in the essence that turns a house into a home.
***
About
ten years after my parents moved, I started having dreams in which I’d be
walking on the vistaed hills and enjoying the views. Fourteen years after the
move, I went back for a cousin’s wedding. I remember the cold. It whistled
through my skirt and tights and became a palpable presence in my fingers and
toes. Not the nicest of days to try and reconnect with a place you never really
lost. The resolve to return became stronger; the dreams more persistent. They’d
sneak up on me every few months; so vivid that I could feel the chilly air
searing my lungs.
One
night in 2012 I had an elaborate dream featuring a massive construction project
at an elevation we used to call ‘Kwa Mhindi’. I decided I’d had enough.
 |
| One of the peaks of Nyandarua |
Over
Easter I was visiting family at the outskirts of Nyeri town. I requested my
sister babysit my daughter. When I got into the matatu, there was a sense of
being planted back into the dreams that had plagued me. I walked up the
elevation that stands halfway between the shopping centre and the Gakanga
Forest. It was punishing, healing, cleansing trudge. People looked at me funny
as I took pictures, which made feel conscious of being an intrusion into a
languid Sunday afternoon.
The
hike knocked the wind out of me. I’d forgotten how steep the hills are. It is
not possible to experience level ground for more than 100 metres at a time. I
lost the agility with which I navigated the slippery valley paths more than
twenty years ago.
I
didn’t tell any of the family where or why I was going. Weird is when you go to
reconcile with a place rather than a person.
I
haven’t had another dream.
